did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
