I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My vagina just clenched in fear
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