Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
