I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Randomize
