Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
