why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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