Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
