I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
