Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
