Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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