I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i've created a new STD.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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