Porn is love you can see.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
