Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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