The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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