she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
