i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
