i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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