If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
