I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
