I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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