perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
