her vagine was all disorganized.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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