Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm too high and old for this...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
