Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
