my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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