There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
