I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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