can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
