On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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