check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
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