Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
