I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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