Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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