my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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