I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
