Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
