It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
