Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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