we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
