Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
