I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
