..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
