The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
