pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
