yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
