we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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