If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
