I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
