I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
