I understand Curling. That high.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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