Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
