The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize