Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
