i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize