is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Non-Jews are for practice
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
