kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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