So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
