My boss' voice literally gives me gas
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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