i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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