He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
