the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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