i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So much Jack, so little girl.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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