My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We had to coat check the pizza.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
