I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
