You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
