I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
