I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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