Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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