just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize