wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
