I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
