What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
