I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
